I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
