My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize