I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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