Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
