whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
