bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
