I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
