Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
