i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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