He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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