1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
