and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
