I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize