my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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