I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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