i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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