we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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