I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
