I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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