So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She even gives head with a lisp.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
