If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
