So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
