i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
