How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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