dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
