Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
