she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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