it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
