He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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