She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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