I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
