I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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