1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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