I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
