i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
