do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize