you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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