Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
