I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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