To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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