Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
