How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
