time to smoke my breakfast
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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