dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
