I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
40s are totally the cure
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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