in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
