I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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