I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
