I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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