It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
