I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
