New invention idea: vibrating tampons
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
