you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
