atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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