I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
