I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize