I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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