Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
