I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it glows. i had to have it.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
