scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
