You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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